Alexander the Horrible
Jan. 22nd, 2005 12:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
owlbeerI voluntarily went to Alexander this evening.
.. to describe how bad this movie is. Just, not words. SO BAD.
Before I start ripping into it, there were two things I did actually enjoy:
1. Wow Oliver Stone when you said you were including the Alexander/Hephaistion relationship? I thoght it would just be a brief nod to it. You made Hephaistion the love of Alexander's life! Go you. I thought you handled it pretty well. Well okay, better than you handled the rest of the film, which I'm sorry, isn't that much of a compliment.
2. Kind of stemming from the above, as far as I know, it was pretty historically accurate in terms of events. Which I always appreciate.
However, apart from those two points, I have never wanted a movie to end so badly in my life. When they went for the flashback to Philip's assassination, I almost cried because it meant it was going to take even longer for the movie to end!
First off, I realise that some accents are hard to do, and that sometimes it's better that an actor not attempt one at all instead of completely butchering it. However, that does not explain why everyone, barring Angelina Jolie, in the movie sounded either Irish or Scottish! Just, how? Even the small kid playing young!Alexander was obviously modelling his voice off the very Irish Colin Farrel.
Talking of Mr Farrel. I will perhaps never see a movie with him in, ever again. Just, no.
Secondly, to enjoy a movie, you have to feel something towards the characters. I didn't care about any of them, at any point, expect perhaps Hephaistion, and that was only briefly. I zoned out so many times, and there wasn't even anything really pretty enough to distract me. Jared Leto worked some of the time, Angelina Jolie occasionaly but Jonathon Rhys Meyers was a disappointment and seemed to serve very little point to the plot at all. However, he at least did attempt something of a different acccent, for which I was grateful.
Random Points:
They opened the movie with a Virgil quote. It was not the best of starts but I said, 'it might not be okay, as long as Alexander doesn't say that.' So what did he do? He said it. Virgil, who is a Roman, and writes about Aeneas, and was alive far, far after Alexander was already dead. *facepalm*
Die Job From Hell. And he seriously had regrowth at the end, which is kind of hilarious.
It was nearly three hours long. Three long, long, long hours. It just wouldn't end. I almost wanted them to kill him in India, so I could stop watching.
I'm getting too tired to continue, but needles to say, it was horrible. It's main fault was that it just completely, completely failed to engage the audience at all. It was also too long, badly written and for the most part badly acted. However, it was slashy as all hell, which unfortunately didn't make up for its numerous faults.
I've quite liked Oliver Stone's movies in the past, but this was just, bad.
In more random news:
Spongebob Attacked by US Christian Right
A couple of days ago I had a dream about robbing banks with Sydney Bristow and Leo McGarry. My subconscious mind is on crack.
Anyway, I should sleep. I'm looking at a long shift tomorrow.
.. to describe how bad this movie is. Just, not words. SO BAD.
Before I start ripping into it, there were two things I did actually enjoy:
1. Wow Oliver Stone when you said you were including the Alexander/Hephaistion relationship? I thoght it would just be a brief nod to it. You made Hephaistion the love of Alexander's life! Go you. I thought you handled it pretty well. Well okay, better than you handled the rest of the film, which I'm sorry, isn't that much of a compliment.
2. Kind of stemming from the above, as far as I know, it was pretty historically accurate in terms of events. Which I always appreciate.
However, apart from those two points, I have never wanted a movie to end so badly in my life. When they went for the flashback to Philip's assassination, I almost cried because it meant it was going to take even longer for the movie to end!
First off, I realise that some accents are hard to do, and that sometimes it's better that an actor not attempt one at all instead of completely butchering it. However, that does not explain why everyone, barring Angelina Jolie, in the movie sounded either Irish or Scottish! Just, how? Even the small kid playing young!Alexander was obviously modelling his voice off the very Irish Colin Farrel.
Talking of Mr Farrel. I will perhaps never see a movie with him in, ever again. Just, no.
Secondly, to enjoy a movie, you have to feel something towards the characters. I didn't care about any of them, at any point, expect perhaps Hephaistion, and that was only briefly. I zoned out so many times, and there wasn't even anything really pretty enough to distract me. Jared Leto worked some of the time, Angelina Jolie occasionaly but Jonathon Rhys Meyers was a disappointment and seemed to serve very little point to the plot at all. However, he at least did attempt something of a different acccent, for which I was grateful.
Random Points:
They opened the movie with a Virgil quote. It was not the best of starts but I said, 'it might not be okay, as long as Alexander doesn't say that.' So what did he do? He said it. Virgil, who is a Roman, and writes about Aeneas, and was alive far, far after Alexander was already dead. *facepalm*
Die Job From Hell. And he seriously had regrowth at the end, which is kind of hilarious.
It was nearly three hours long. Three long, long, long hours. It just wouldn't end. I almost wanted them to kill him in India, so I could stop watching.
I'm getting too tired to continue, but needles to say, it was horrible. It's main fault was that it just completely, completely failed to engage the audience at all. It was also too long, badly written and for the most part badly acted. However, it was slashy as all hell, which unfortunately didn't make up for its numerous faults.
I've quite liked Oliver Stone's movies in the past, but this was just, bad.
In more random news:
Spongebob Attacked by US Christian Right
A couple of days ago I had a dream about robbing banks with Sydney Bristow and Leo McGarry. My subconscious mind is on crack.
Anyway, I should sleep. I'm looking at a long shift tomorrow.
